He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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