Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
