i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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