Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
