Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
