im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
