the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize