I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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