i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is the high leading the old right now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
