Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize