it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
