Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
birth control should be required to get into college
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
