Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize