running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
