So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
