oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
