My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
