can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
