I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
