I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
