i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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