Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
