I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
