i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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