When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
