why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
