I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My ass is underappreciated
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
