My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
