I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
