that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
