My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize