On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
