it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
