can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
