i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
