I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
