fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
