How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
