you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
