i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
