And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
