Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
