You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
