You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize