apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
