Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
