Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
