My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize