Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
