Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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