ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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