when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
