i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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