I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
