Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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