i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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