she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
