you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
