Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
