didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
