So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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