oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
