My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
