I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
