He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
