If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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