Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
