Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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