She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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