The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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